|Posted by cobaltsoul on July 6, 2009 at 3:16 AM|
Pretty much no limit on what could be said on this topic but just for starters, how about this:
Almost anything in life that is good is better when shared with someone else who appreciates it. Of course there are experiences, qualities in life that are a little difficult to share without losing their intrinsic value, solitude being a good example, but in general the idea holds good. Sharing increases our enjoyment of the *good* in good things.
Sometimes there is a little skill or sensitivity required for your sharing to be the beneficial kind. I remember sitting on a bench over-looking a wonderful vista of a cliff sided valley and a delicately ribboned waterfall. As I sat there, soaking up the view and the sounds of the wind thru the trees three people came down the path and out onto the viewing platform. Two of these people were talking non-stop as they came down the path, I could hear them long before I could see them. They stood in front of that awesome vista and faced each other talking about an endless stream of trivia, ?Did you see what so and so was wearing? Wasn't that a funny episode last night? I think I need to buy some more floss...?. The third member of the group faced the vista in silence. I felt sorry for this member of the party, there was no way to really enjoy the vista unless the other two shared in seeing it. All they could see was each other, to this day I don't understand why they bothered to walk down the path, it would have been easier for them to stay at the picnic ground, absorbed in each other's superficiality. That third member simply needed a few minutes from the first two, just a few minutes of a shift of focus, as it was their insensitivity filled up the moment with nothing important but something thoroughly distracting. Eventually the third member turned to the other two and with a shake of the head walked off the platform and back up the path. I could see the whole thing from where I sat and at no point did the two even look out at the beauty arrayed before them! As their empty chatter faded away I returned to enjoying the view and the sounds of the wind but a little saddened after watching someone's moment be reduced because the people who were there to share it, failed to share it, managed to actually reduce it's quality.
Sharing does require some level of attention and consideration for it to work out well.
Now I think there are different ways of experiencing a moment and sometimes the way one person engages a moment is simply too different to the way the person standing next to them engages and enjoys the same moment. Too different for them to enhance each others experience by sharing in it the way they both naturally would. If Zac really feels a moment by talking in it and thru it, analysing it out loud, chewing it over and tasting the moment in words not just in silence and Zoc soaks up a moment thru silencing everything inside to make room for the maximum amount of outside to flow inside ? then these two are generally not going to feel a moment is enhanced if shared with the other. Their processes are too different.
Obviously it is possible for people to willingly engage a moment differently than they might naturally prefer ? doing this precisely so that their sharing is good for another person in that same moment. I suspect really good marriages contain this very dynamic from both parties.
Applying the idea in a different direction - many sufferings, trials, sorrows are made more endurable when shared with someone who is willing to join us in them, at least at some level.
A practical hint in this area, for many types of sorrow and suffering you don't need many words to be a help. When we are feeling grief it is isolating and usually that sense of isolation increases the pain, the grieving feel *untouchable*, they feel, often rightly, that other people do not want to face whatever truth or reality preceded their grief. Simply by being willing to sit with a person and be there with them, not trying to make their situation go away, not trying to fix what cannot be fixed,simply to be there with them. That is sharing and that can make a significant difference for a person so burdened.
Forget, "I don'tknow what to say." and remember the significant gift of your mute company, share that.
I think there are experiences and sorrows that cannot be shared, at such times all we can share is something like, "I'm here and I know that really is no help to you, but I'm here because you matter even if I can't make any difference for you."
Sharing makes a positive difference. The older I get the more I want to share and the sweeter the moments of sharing are to me.
When I see a wonderful sunset and my companion shares that experience and then I turn to my companion and see their enjoyment of and enrichment from that sunset, at that moment my good experience is doubled. I have the joy of the sunset and the joy of seeing the joy in my companion. The more my companion matters to me the deeper the joy I receive in seeing their joy.
One of the primary reasons I continue to search for a life companion is because I want to share life with that one special One because if they actually are a special One then that quality of sharing eclipses all others for multiplication of joy. Best of all, if I am her special One then the multiplication of joy via sharing is entirely mutual.
Sharing is good. Let's do more of it.