Mikel Ocean Azure



What ARE They Thinking?

Posted by Cobaltsoul on October 19, 2010 at 9:08 AM

I've been on a few internet dating sites over the last ten years, without long term success, but that's another post.  This post is about something I find entirely inexplicable except for sheer laziness. 

Here you are, a bloke joining a dating site.  Your goal is to attract the attention of women as your first step toward actually meeting at least one nice woman.  All the sites tell you that profiles with photos get massively more visits than profiles with no photo.

Now that fact is not hard to understand.  In the flesh and blood dating world the visual meeting is the first thing that happens.  You see someone and you like what you see, or at least, don't dislike it and then they build on that visual neutrality with good personality or whatever.  You see them at the pub or the club, you seem them at a party or a bbq, you see them at work, at your friends house, at university, whatever.  But SEEING is the first thing that happens.  Fair enough that most of us when internet dating also want to SEE a person before deciding to introduce ourselves.

So, this guy has been told that putting some photos on his profile would be a good idea.  So what does he do?  He finds his best photos, the ones he looks sharp in, the ones he looks dignified or respectably casual in.  The one's with his best smile.  Yeah?  No! 

This is what stuns me,  the photos men put on their profiles, as if they are actually doing their best to scare women away.  Photos where the guy is scowling or unshaven or holding a beer can on his beer belly or all three factors at once.  Photos of him with his arm around another woman, her cut out, but her arms still plainly visible, so I have not been single long enough to have even one photo of myself without my ex in it.  Photos of guys who's profiles says they are 60 and who's photos are bw and clearly 40 years old.  Photos of guys that were clearly taken on the webcam without thought, planning or care.  At least when the women share webcam photos they make an effort, usually, to try different poses,  put on nice clothes, something that says,  "it matters how I look." 

All these guys posting these lazy, stupid, negative images of themselves...  what ARE they thinking?

Categories: Randoms

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Reply Cobaltsoul
6:43 AM on November 7, 2010 
"Matters of the heart" eh? There's a whole blog right there. I'm not entirely sure that at my age, with my history, finding a lifetime partner should be a matter of the heart. I'm not enamoured of where my heart led me in the past. :) Maybe, unromantically, more a matter of sober judgement. He He.
Reply hiker
7:47 AM on November 5, 2010 
I'd rather be handling those complexities at YOUR age than when I was having to handle them back in the day. At least you've got a sense of perspective when you're older.

Having said that, where matters of the heart are concerned I suspect perspective can still fly out the window. Eh? :-)
Reply Cobaltsoul
12:35 AM on November 5, 2010 
Hi David, if that is their intention, they succeed with extreme efficiency! You make a tangential reference to a fair point - how to balance romantically high expectations with reality without doing what these dumbos do. Us singles can't pretend we are Prince Charming - even if a woman believed us initially (Unlikely at my age.) she'd be royally pissed off when she DID work out we are closer to the frog than the Prince. On the other hand it's entirely unattractive to say , "Hey Beautiful Lady, I'm a frog, come kiss me, see what happens..." :)
Reply David F
10:10 AM on November 4, 2010 
Maybe their thinking about keeping the sense of expectation low. ;-)